uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
