toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Pappa wants mamma naked
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Randomize
