I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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