Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
