I think i peed on brittanys purse
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
