I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
