i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
