i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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