I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
