You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize