seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
