My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
