Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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