and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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