I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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