And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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