the condom got lost in my hair
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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