I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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