God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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