My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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