He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
