just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
