Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
