I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
