Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
