i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
