his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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