did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
