it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
