so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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