There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
