I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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