All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
