nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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