Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
