new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he thought i was a dude.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
