Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
