Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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