I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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