wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
