I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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