I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize