dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
