i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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