At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
