mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
