It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize