My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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