You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
