Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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