If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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