Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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