hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
