My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I did not marry a roomba.
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