So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
