no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
