why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's official drugs can't kill me
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize