..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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