I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
