I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
