just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
