I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
